A letter to my Children

My Darling Children,

It seems that speaking to you has no effect whatsoever as I am getting the same response as when I speak to the wall. Therefore I am appealing to you in writing.

DIRTY UNDERWEAR: Do not belong in the bathroom, on kitchen floor, or behind the couch. Please place soiled undergarments IN the tall white plastic container in my bathroom, otherwise known as the hamper.

RESTAURANTS: Please do not wait until the waiter has placed my meal in front of me to declare “I need to go pee!” Especially when I asked you not five minutes before to accompany your sister and I to the restroom. One of these days I will say no and let you pee your pants.

WHINING: Will not make me change my mind. If I’ve said no, there is a reason. Stop asking. PERIOD. Repeatedly asking will result in the loss of privileges, as will crying and tantrums

DOORS: If a door is shut, please don’t come in. It may be hard for you to believe, but I do not enjoy watching a dance performance while I am on the toilet. Similarly, repeatedly opening the shower door while I am in there angers me immensely.

TOWELS: are not meant to be dripping wet. Nor are they supposed to be left crumpled up on the bathroom floor. In future please fold towels up neatly and place on the towel rail, conveniently located right beside the bathtub.

SNACKS : I realize that you are growing and need adequate nutrition, but I would rather not spend all day in the kitchen preparing a never ending selection of snacks. For your future reference:  If I am still cleaning up from you last snack, it is not snack time. If I am preparing dinner, it is not snack time. If you just finished eating a meal, it is not snack time. Please stop asking!

BEDROOMS:  need cleaning! Occasionally I would like to see the floor so that I may be reminded what colour the carpet is. And stuffing all your toys/dirty clothes/homework etc under the bed does not constitute cleaning. Just so you know.

These are the house rules according to me.

Love Always

Mummy